Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
