I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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