It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Randomize
