I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
