I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
