Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
