so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
