hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
