Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
