I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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