Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
