He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
