so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
