I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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