I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
