Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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