That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Let's get the cat blown out
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
