There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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