yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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