Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
