you didnt know i had herpes?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
