I wannas sexs uuuuu
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
