And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
