I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
