hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
