is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
