My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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