Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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