Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
