Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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