You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize