It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
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