so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
