it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
As shirtless as possible
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
