The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
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