I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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