i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
