hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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