We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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