So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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