I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
