We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
