I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
