your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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