if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
