dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
