i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
