Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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