Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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