All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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