halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
