Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
