I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
this beer tastes like vomit already
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
